Hey, thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I appreciate your input on this discussion and your readership more than you know. You raise some excellent points that many seem to be concerned with. I've covered some of these on my Substack, so, here are a few:
When it comes to effectively keeping it away from children, all three, cell phone OS manufacturers, web browsers, and cell phone companies have all given us an abundance of tools to monitor children's use of the Internet. People should be using those, rather than just giving their kids devices that can access all the world's information at the push of a button. There are a lot worse things that can be found online than porn. Violent tirades, real-life murders filmed and uploaded, and radicalizing discourse that turn people, especially vulnerable young people, into extremists.
1) With all due respect to her, I'm not sure if we should be taking Billie Eilish's word on this. There are countless people who grew up with porn in the 1980s and 1990s with it, and they turned out fine. I invited Dr. Nicole Prause, Ph.D., one of the lead researchers on the subject, onto my podcast, and we talked about it for over an hour. She mentioned something I didn't know: that the largest expansion in the consumption of pornography had nothing to do with the Internet—it was the VCR and the VHS tape. There are tens of millions of people walking around right now just fine who consumed porn when they were young. I cut out a section of this that's still there in-full on my podcast. Personally, I don't like porn or watch it. But that doesn't mean I didn't when I was young. I certainly did and had no harm from it, and so did all my friends. Right now, there's a propagandistic movement to convince people it's harmful to their health, which is precisely why I invited Dr. Prause and another leading researcher on the subject, Dr. David Ley, Ph.D., onto my podcast to talk about it. Those interviews can be found at the links below. (1) (2)
They both said, categorically, that porn isn't harmful. Now, that doesn't mean some people don't have problems with it. What it means is porn itself isn't the problem. Here's an example. If someone's an alcoholic, they need to remove the alcohol from their lives to get better because that's what's causing their problems. But with porn, the people have an underlying diagnosis (porn addiction isn't medically or scientifically recognized). If someone is exhibiting problematic behaviors with porn, they have another underlying issue going on that needs to be treated, like anxiety or depression. Considering her (great) music, safe to say this is the case with Eilish. She's not shy about her mental health struggles and deserves praise for that.
2. I've heard this point a lot, and it seems to be concerning to some people. But, I think it gets the causality backward. The idea is that porn is causing boys and men to do these types of acts that some women don't enjoy, and that porn is influencing people's behaviors. I've heard this argument before and, unfortunately, it's both untrue and gets the causality backward. When you consider the alternative, it becomes obvious.
First, men weren't taught to do uncomfortable things by porn. If we're being totally honest, here, they were pretty horrible sex partners throughout history. Most sex in history was probably rape. Violence was the norm. They conquered cities and took daughters captive as sex slaves. Women were largely seen as property. The horrors were unspeakably awful. Thankfully, that's not the world we live in today. But this history shows us, that all the stuff we see in porn isn't new.
It's not like everyone was nice, that people were caring, compassionate, vulnerable beings, and then, suddenly, porn was popularized in the 1970s and everything went wrong, men started asking for anal sex and discovered choking. Our oldest depiction of anal sex comes from a 4,000-year-old clay tablet from Mesopotamia. (3) Our oldest depiction of BDSM comes, ironically, from the Etruscan culture, which was the only ancient culture where women were revered and probably held in higher esteem than. (7) This fresco dates back 2,400 years, to 396 BCE.
Second, I absolutely, positively believe 100% that consent should be attained before trying anything like hair-pulling, choking, and biting. No one should just try it without consulting their partners, and I've written about this extensively, including how-to guides for men who need to understand consent. (4) (5) But it's important to keep in mind, not only is porn not causing this problem. This kind of BDSM stuff is popular with countless people. Alfred Kinsey's research from 1953, long before the popularization of porn in the late-1970s, found that the majority of women (55%) and half of men liked being bitten during sex. (6)
Some people don't respect boundaries, and it's tragic, regardless of whether those boundaries are sexual or just invading your space or pestering and stalking someone.
We're getting better, the whole human race is. Most people are great, but it really is a few bad apples that spoil the bunch these days. Humanity is growing up. Research found that only 1% of the population commits 63% of the violent crime. (8) Far from being the norm it once was, violence is becoming rare.
Thank you so much again for reading and taking your time to leave a thoughtful comment. Cheers.
3. https://thescienceofsex.substack.com/p/anal-sex-throughout-history?utm_source=publication-search
4. https://medium.com/moments-of-passion/how-asking-for-consent-can-be-masculine-7c0521000170
5. https://medium.com/moments-of-passion/the-mens-guide-to-sex-and-consent-c6783ce8f000
6. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/americans-are-more-bdsm-rest-world-180949703/
